Raising A Parent: Recommendation #14 Unconditional acceptance

Recommendation #14- Project an air of unconditional acceptance

Dylan Thomas expressed the final hours of death in his poem: “rage, rage against the dying of the light.” As the person experiences the deeming of the light of life, all efforts are put forth to hold on to those memories and most of the time it is this emotional pain many suffer during the end of life. Perhaps the best thing is to come to terms with the problem and learn how to accept and recognize the condition of your loved one, learn about the condition by seeking out additional resources (the internet is a great tool), and talk about the condition with the loved one, but most of all allow the person to “rage.”

It is by the process of acceptance we learn how to deal with reality. This is essential for the sufferer and the caregiver. Many times the caregiver may feel a need for emotion distance from the agonizing torment of seeing a loved one suffering, but must also learn how to separate self from sympathy from empathy. While distancing yourself from the ongoing suffering the individual in subjected to, it is important not to distance yourself from the person (in this case the author’s mother).  Embracing the commitment of support no matter the degree of emotional difficulty is vital in helping the person who is suffering during the transitional acceptance of end of life experience. The author incorporates the event of his father’s shooting, which took place 43 years ago, as an example of a reoccurring flashbuld memory his mother keeps revisiting and is highly emotional about, and remembers quite vividly.  Even though the author’s perception of the event is somewhat different from his mother’s, out of respect he allows her the freedom and distance needed by not interfering with her recollection of what she perceives to be true; instead the author quietly, patiently, and gently listens to her perception of the events of 1966. 

As time passed, the author expressed the suppression of the event by his mother or perhaps she had forgotten the episodic component of 1966. I don’t believe it was forgotten, may be suppressed or had been acceptable to her as a disconcerting matter that cannot be undone. Studies have indicated that episodic memories are part of a person’s autobiographical memory, although those memories are connected with emotional details and difficult to remember they are not forgotten. Dylan Thomas expresses this feeling best in his famous poem: “Old age should burn and rave at close of day.” (Word count 416)

Author: Kerline Leonard